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The Rain is my Culprit
- Nishant Gupta
- Jun 30, 2021
- 4 min read
Its 3 AM. A rainy cold night. You are in Delhi. Not the flashy, brand laden new NCR. Not the one that brings out the aspirations in the eyes of middle-class boys from UP. But the old Rajinder Nagar. The Old cramped streets and avenues of Chittranjan Park or Karol Bagh. You came here to study. A student who wanted a piece of the capital. Of the rush. Of that promise land that makes living with what you have a bit easier and opens you up to a lot of ambitions all at once. Never have complacency and ambition be better mixed together than in a student living in Delhi. You like to listen to The Weeknd and Kenny G and all jazz that YouTube can throw at you, but deep down there is a simple boy in you who likes Kadhi Chawal with Mirch ka Chaunk. A guy who likes to catch a bus while running after it in rain. That guy acknowledges your impeccable taste and he has no reservations whatsoever against being choosy, it's just that Mohit Chauhan and Atif Aslam and all other slow hits from 2000 to 2015 excite him. They make him feel happy while sharing this small casket of worries and anxiety you have locked up back in your head. The same anxiety that you faced when talking to that girl you kinda like but she has no clue you exist. Or the same kind of anxiety when you are faced with, when that bank transfers on the first of every month from your father is never late: and it reminds you how you are not just person living is life, but also living the dreams and ambitions of your father in whatever little way. It's like the ironies of the city resonate with your own inner dualities. This is why you have always had a love-hate relationship with the city.
But tonight, isn't about being sad or being worried it's about how you are alone but not lonely. How after a good rain you get out in Delhi at 3 a.m., walking the narrow streets and avenues with those out of fashion wired earphones because you love the simplicity of the thing. It's about how you embrace being simple in a world that values complications and complexities while secretly being guilty of loving Kadhi Chawal over risotto with sun dried basil leaves. The coolness that the ground radiates back after rain which the breeze carefully picks up and rubs on your face like a kid innocently rubbing Gulal on your cheeks. That Breeze that slowly gives you a chill up your spine but shrouds you in a comfortable hug, Like the laying your head in the lap of your loved one, while hiding from her parents as she gently blows air on your hair and giggles. It's the same coolness that is holding your fickle heart in its grasp and you are just alone not lonely. The memories of friends and enemies past. Suddenly this cold wind has inspired a very forgiving mood on you. You glance at your past fights and slowly utter a wish for all whom you may have hurt and seek peace while doing so. “Will it have the same effect on politicians fighting a war daily if they walk like this?”, you wonder. Saibo comes on the playlist. And you get a sudden urge. To meet her right now. An urge as primal and basic as drinking cold water from an earthen pot after a long tiring day. A feeling that makes you nervous and makes you smile and laugh to no bounds. Makes you want to run towards her and figure out the rest later. As if her embrace is the only thing that will make you feel calm again.
The breeze understands the change in your psyche. As if it is reading your mind as it blows past you. It grows faster like a guide in life telling you to go get something. Isn't it funny how we are surrounded by things that want to teach you small life lessons. Things put in your path through divine intervention. Things that if weren’t there, you would wander aimlessly. Is that what environmentalists have figured out? Or maybe you are just thinking out loud and everything you say is making sense. The truth is that everyone will resonate what you seek that is how your mind tells what it wants.
Then is it wrong to call the mind something like light because the world only makes sense and likeable when it shines and reflects to you as meaning of your life, and right now all it wants to show you is her face. Her sleepy, irritated but Low Key impressed and confused face which she will dilute and instantly hold you in her embrace while you take a long deep breath of calm. As is her essence , her scent calms your neurons. Much like an excited kid is calmed down by an orange ice cream bar on a hot Sunday afternoon. And she won’t ask you “Why are you here at this hour?”. Because she slept thinking why you are not there with here to witness the first rain of the season.
“Dard to judai ka hota hai, dooriyon ki bechaini Hoti Hai,
Aur ye toh sara sar na-insafi hai ki
Chain aur bechaini dono mein tumhari hi tarafdaari hoti hai,
Tajjub toh iss baat par hota hai Jaan-e-Adaa
Ki Bekhayalai bhi tumhi se shuru aur tumhi pe khatam hoti hai.”
Nishant.
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