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Thoughts I don’t want to confess

  • Writer: Nishant Gupta
    Nishant Gupta
  • Oct 12, 2021
  • 2 min read

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Yes, I miss her. Sometimes more than others. Sometimes just enough to make me feel guilty about how for-granted I took her. Sometimes I miss her too much to be honest with myself. I usually reach for the whiskey in those times. Single Malt. On the Rocks, with a little bit of water. Perfect to remind me how I held you in my arms when you cried alone in that corner balcony. Chilly wind of that godforsaken city. And your cold tears on the softest cheeks I had ever kissed. Just like that Cold Perspiring whiskey bringing me warmth as It goes down the hatch.


I miss how I used to lay my bed to impress you. I miss how we used to leave that bed wrinkled, so comfortable with each other's body. And I most definitely miss how my bed used to smell like your shampoo the next day. As I lay in that bed in your absence, but not really. That scent of yours that takes the hand of head and runs into an imaginary field on a hill with a very European Sunset. All Beige and Golden hues. It feels like receiving a warm hug from your favorite person - you. It feels like wearing that favorite, soft and kind of worn out hoody that people have, which is usually a bit oversized. How can I forget that damp, fruity smell that made me feel absolutely giddy like a young kid who just shook hands with his crush.


I miss the silences too. I miss the music that used to fill them. I miss how I used to be annoyed with those strands of your perfect hair which you used to leave on my pillows. Perhaps to keep me company when no one else did. I miss holding you close, by your waist. Close against my body. I miss holding your smaller hands in my rougher, large and darker ones. I used to wonder if this is what a rare Diamond looks like in the hands of a miner. I miss our little parties with Maximum and Minimum occupancy of Two. Just Us. I miss having someone I knew will always exceed my wildest expectations of trust and then some. I miss indulging in perfectly timed kisses and making that moment feel like a Weeknd song. I miss the late night Ice Creams and later hugging you to slowly drift off to sleep. I miss how you used to drool all over my arms in your sleep. I miss getting up early and going on a ride alone near that Lake we used to circle later in the day. I used to smile in those moments alone, in a warm blanket of love and cool wind of kisses affirming your love on my face. I miss taking a cold shower before you even got up, only for you to wake up, hug me and rob the cold off my body, just like you did with my heard. Thank You, But I miss you.


Nishant Gupta

 
 
 

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